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10-Second Survey Conflict Free Diamonds 
Marriage Enrichment - Reporting vs. Inspiring
“Honey, we have a wonderful marriage – you are a thoughtful, considerate and helpful man. You know the rule about the dishes – and when I see them in the sink it makes me furious – I feel like you don’t care, it makes me sad. I know we can work this out because we do have a wonderful marriage”.
Did you catch the subtle difference? Go back and read the sentences again.
In the first she says, “you are sometimes a thoughtful and considerate man.”
When confronted with this ‘slip’ she protested that saying he was thoughtful, considerate, helpful wasn’t the truth. She just couldn’t get herself to say it.
Which now brings us to the heart of the matter:
Are you a REPORTERS VS. are you a SOURCE OF INSPIRATION?
We have never learned, nor is it taught in school, that we can be a source of inspiration. That requires us having a clear vision, and remembering and including that vision in every communication where conflict exists.
Our spouses, our children, our friends don’t need us to be reporters only. Generally, they already know they messed up. They need a reprieve, a pardon. It is at that moment they need to be held in higher regard –their self-esteem boosted. Loved. Treated with compassion.
If you don’t think so just stop for a second and think about how you would like to be treated when you’ve fallen short.
We are so focused on our own feelings, and the helplessness we feel about ever getting the cooperation we request and deserve, that we are content with venting our feelings and emotions. Plus we have no other strategy, tool, that we actually believe can effectively change the pattern in the future.
The strategy, the tool, is to rise above the moment. We do that by gaining a correct perspective – and that is that the marriage, the health and progress of the marriage is most important. Once both parties are reminded they naturally move in the direction of peaceful resolution.
That’s a promise. |
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